Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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