shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
