i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
