Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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