Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
high people should be assigned attendants
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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