I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
