hotel room ftw
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
