i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
