Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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