he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
