So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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