Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
