y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
