I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found your dick twin last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
