Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
