i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
