I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
