this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
