I met the friendliest cop last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize