community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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