So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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