Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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