You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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