I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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