end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
