dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
