ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
