i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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