forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize