I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
