sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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