Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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