What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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