My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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