i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
