grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
