I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize