somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
