We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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