I wanna passion pit in your ass
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
