Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
