I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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