She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
