I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
