I'm passing your future prison.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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