Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would ride that face into the sunset
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
