I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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