It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
