You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
