Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
