I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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