Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
