Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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