her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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