so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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